


Only Whispers in Your Memory

by Antares



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Blow Jobs, Drugged Sex, First Time, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-06
Updated: 2007-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 04:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4946677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antares/pseuds/Antares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was after all only his firm conviction and this whisper in his memory nothing else. No face, no time, no place. Nothing</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Whispers in Your Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to my beta Cimmie and her wonderful work!
> 
> Story written for the "Anonymous Blow-Job"-Challenge.

Something felt wrong, Daniel thought, while he was pouring a healthy amount of maple-syrup over his pancakes. No, "wrong" was perhaps too strong a word, "uneasy" was better. Something was nagging at Daniel's mind, but he couldn't pinpoint it. He suspected that it was somehow related to their last mission to Athurakia, but the more he thought about it, the more it eluded him.

Daniel sighed. 'Something,´ 'somehow´ – very precise Dr. Jackson! You make a great scientist!

The great scientist munched hungrily on his breakfast, but without paying any attention to it. There had been minor changes in the team dynamics during the last days, and he tried hard to find out what was different now. But Sam and Teal'c treated him like always, so the "disturbing" factor had to be Jack.

Daniel thought about the days after their return, and suddenly "awkward" popped into his head. That was how Jack behaved in his presence! Jack hadn't touched him – no pat on the back, no ruffling through his hair, not even an accidental brushing of shoulders – nothing! Yeah, that was a clear sign that something wasn't as it used to be.

Usually Jack's favourite pastime was to wind him up, torment him, pester him – but he hadn't done so in the last few days. Short answers, no-nonsense questions, no bickering, no bantering ... that is if he saw Jack at all! It seemed Jack deliberately avoided him. No sitting in his office, no meals together, no contact at all beside the official briefings with General Hammond and the hurried greetings in the hallways of the SGC.

Daniel frowned in deep concentration and came up with only one possible solution. He must have done something really, really stupid during the last mission. And he couldn't remember!

All of a sudden he noticed that he had absentmindedly started to pour more maple-syrup on his plate, drowning the pancakes in sweetness and stickiness. Daniel hastily replaced the bottle on the table and shifted the pancakes around until he found a piece that wasn't as thoroughly soaked as the rest.

Well, the last mission had already a certain notoriety within the SGC. Daniel had been the only one of the team allowed to take photos and to film in the Valley of the Sanctuaries. The 50-minute video he had brought back couldn't be compared to an award winning BBC documentary on the Discovery Channel but was now nearly as famous and watched with much more interest - not only in the historical department. The Athurakians worshipped life in its most basic and primordial form. 

Daniel had brought back the finest "official" porn the SGC had seen so far. Engraved in stone and painted with loving and anatomically correct details on the huge, white sandstone walls, couples, threesomes and groups, in every imaginable combination, answered all the questions you ever had about sex. Even Ferretti had managed to get a copy for "educational purposes" and had congratulated Daniel on his luck.

But was he really that lucky? Slowly, he doubted that. Until two or three days ago, before this uneasy feeling had crept upon him, he had been really proud about his findings. Even if they didn't bear great military value, from an historical and artistic point of view the drawings were phenomenal. It was true, that he had had to pay a prize to see and film them, but at the time being that hadn't mattered to him.

The Athurakians were very paranoid that someone, beside the priests, knew the exact location of the Sacred Valley. Therefore Daniel hat consented to drink a cup of drugged wine, after his trip to the Sanctuaries, to make him forget the hours spent in the Valley. With an irresistible grin, Jack had immediately baptized the drink "Lethe," utterly proud with himself for remembering the name from the Greek tale Daniel had told him recently on a mission.

At the beginning Jack had had great difficulties to see the advantage in exploring something you were forced to forget afterwards, but Daniel had tried to convince him. He had explained to him the difference between a film about a location you had never been to and a film about a place you knew. Even if it had changed radically, a feeling of attachment was still there. Daniel was certain that there must be some residual souvenir in his memory afterwards, something that told him on a subconscious level that he had already been there.

So far he had been spectacularly wrong. The last thing he remembered was him changing into the ceremonial clothes he had to wear to accompany the priests. Afterwards – nothing. It could have been any old holiday film from a neighbour as far as Daniel was concerned.

But the Athurakiens weren't the only ones inclined to a bit of paranoia. Also Jack had been very worried about his safety while accompanying the priests. But Daniel had argued, talked and even pouted a bit until finally he had persuaded the colonel that there were no problems if he made contact with the team every two hours.

Accordingly to the mission report, he had done so and nothing unusual had occurred during his absence. On his first transmission he had complained a bit about his allergic reaction to some of the local stuff and mentioned the increasing heat the deeper they went into the valley. But when he talked about the Sanctuaries on the second transmission, he had been very enthusiastic and all discomfort had been forgotten. On his way back, he had called again and he was a bit short-breathed because of the steep slopes he had to climb back up. But that was all. Nothing unusual. Nothing at all.

But had Jack really written the entire truth in the reports?

Daniel resolutely dumped the rest of his too sweet breakfast into the dustbin and marched to Jack's office. He had to ask him once more. He had to try to find out again, what had really happened, even if he had made a fool of himself. Anything was better than this incertitude. But once again Jack confirmed that all was in best order, the official version was also the inofficial one and he couldn't tell Daniel anything he didn't know already.

Daniel should have been reassured by those words, but he noticed that Jack had difficulty looking him in the eyes, while he was speaking to him. He seemed to be unduly fascinated by this paper-clip, keeping together the dossier on his desk, and so Daniel left the office more restless than ever. He was only sure about one thing: Jack wouldn't say anything unless he could present him with some sort of evidence.

Back in his office, he reviewed the video tape time and again, tried hard – to the point of getting a headache – to remember things he wasn't supposed to remember.

\------------------------------------------

It was only two days later, in one of the bathrooms of the SGC, when he opened his fly and pulled out his dick, that he had a sudden flashback.

Someone had touched him. Intimately. There had been other fingers on his dick than his own.

Suddenly he felt ... helpless. On an invisible edge to hysterical laughter. After Hathor, Shyla and Linea once more a typical Jackson-encounter, the absurd version that seemed to be reserved for him. Fingers on his penis and he couldn't remember anything. Shit!

Daniel swallowed hard against the rising panic. But at least that would explain a lot, wouldn't it? The uneasiness, Jack's strange behaviour. He stared intently at on his hands. He must have told Jack about it, before the full effect of the "Lethe" had wiped out his memories. Jack had to know! He was his last hope to bring light into the oppressive darkness of his memories!

Daniel tucked himself in and nearly ran to Jack's office. Without knocking he stormed into the room.

Jack was telephoning and glared at him. He covered the receiver and mouthed at him, "one minute," then he continued to speak to the person on the other end. Daniel was too nervous to listen properly, and floating words of 'cylinder head gasket´ and 'brake lining´ told him that this phone call wasn't work-related. It made him tap impatiently with his foot until Jack finally put the receiver down.

"What is it this time, Daniel, that you couldn't take the time to knock?" he asked with a little annoyed smile. "Don't tell me, it's Athurakia again!"

"But it is!"

"So?" Jack sighed deeply.

"I remember..."

Jack interrupted him, "What?"

"Someone ...," how should he phrase it? There was after all only his firm conviction and this whisper in his memory, when he wanted to pee, nothing else. No face, no time, no place. Nothing. Not even the knowledge if there had been more than mere touches and if it had been consensual or forced.

That last thought submerged him with a wave of nausea.

"Daniel?" Jack pointed impatiently at the pile of folders on his desk. "I've got work to do."

"Someone molested me!" Daniel whispered, not at all sure, if that was right or not.

He had Jack's immediate attention. The colonel rose quickly from his seat. "Who? When? Tell me and I'll..."

"Not in the SGC, back on Athurakia. In the bathroom I had a flashback. But I can't recall any details. I thought... I hoped ... that perhaps you... I don't know. Did you notice anything strange, unusual, when I returned from the Valley of the Sanctuaries? Dishevelled clothes? Messed up hair? I ... don't know." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

Jack tried to soothe him. "You were very exhausted and tired from the long march and the heat when you returned, but other than that..."

"Did I say ... something to you?"

Jack swallowed hard. "Look, Daniel, you were fine, when you returned. You never mentioned one of the priests touching you."

"But..."

"Daniel, I..."

There was a knock at the door and a young airman informed Colonel O'Neill that the car to the Petersen Airbase was waiting for him at the entrance.

With what sounded suspiciously like relief, Jack said, "I've got to go. We'll talk about this later. Don't think too much about it." He stretched out his hand to pet Daniel's arm, but he pulled it back in the last moment.

After Jack had left the room, Daniel stared motionless ahead for half a minute. He was damned angry with Jack for disappearing. As long as he thought someone from the Mountain was involved, he was ready to defend him, but as soon as he learned that it was "only" a priest, he gave him the very valuable advice not to think too much about it. Ha!

Jack knew something about it – whatever "it" was!

\--------------------------------------

Jack didn't return to the office that day, and Daniel got temporarily distracted by an animated discussion with Dr. Lee about the meaning of a certain Goa'uld expression, so that he forgot about the encounter for some hours. But before leaving, he got the tape that had registered his communications with the team during his hike to the Valley and took it home with him.

He prepared a sandwich, grabbed a bottle of mineral water and carried it over to the sofa. He listened once again to his own voice talking about the heat and the wonders of the Sanctuaries. He nearly knew the sentences by heart now and his mind wandered.

"You were fine, when you returned". Did that mean it had been consensual? Daniel tried to picture the priests who had accompanied him. Would he have allowed one of them to touch him? Probably, as long as it hadn't been the beefy, profusely sweating one. He wasn't freaked out by a little ceremony involving nakedness or simple touching. If it had been inevitable to get the photos, he would have done it.

But if he had done it and had told Jack about it, why didn't Jack tell him now? The colonel couldn't be embarrassed about this anthropological stuff anymore, could he? If that really was the problem, Jack was even more uptight than he had thought. Nice of Jack to try to spare his feelings that needn't be spared. He had to tell him so on the next opportunity.

Daniel turned on the TV, and with half his attention he watched the news, the other half of his brain was still running in circles about what could have happened.

After the news and the depressing weather forecast, he switched program and listened half-heartedly to a report on a restoration-team working in the Louvre and other European museums. There were oil-paintings of naked gods and goddesses. Zeus having sex with Europa, Achilles watching Hercules and the two old men ogling Susanna in the Bath – the only way at that time, to bring naked bodies onto the canvas, was in a mythological or religious frame. It was miles away from the crude and naïve realism of the paintings the Athurakians had shown him.

Perhaps they were once again confronted with a cultural misunderstanding? Nudity seemed to be very natural to those people on Athurakia. Perhaps there were no taboos in their culture about touching either? No need to cloak desire or longing by pretending it to be something mythological or religious?

Daniel listened to the explications of one of the restorers of the difficulties of finding the right colours and pigments and adding something if there were parts of the painting missing. She stated that her imagination and her understanding of the painter's intentions were crucial to fill in the gaps if there was nothing left to work with.

Imagination – he had enough of it and sometimes it tormented him. Those fingers ...

Daniel sat up and inhaled sharply. His wandering mind had brought up another picture. Not only fingers ... but a mouth on his dick! He was sure now and memories came flowing back. Somebody had given him a blow-job! He could restore the scene in his head! Daniel could feel the lips, hear the murmured endearments and even relive his overwhelming joy in the moment of climax. It had been very pleasurable and exciting – but he couldn't give the unknown person a face! That was so exasperating! He tried hard to recall the faces of the priests but none seemed to fit, none gave a tingle of recognition in his mind.

Daniel took the remote control and switched off the TV. In the following silence he searched for signs of beginning crisis, now that he knew that there had been more, but he found nothing. He couldn't remember the 'how´ and 'when´ and most important the 'who´ of this encounter but the recollection filled his memory with warmth.

He sighed deeply. Gauging from Jack reactions, his hesitance to speak with him about this incident, his shyness to touch him, he had told Jack everything and had shocked him to the core.

Damned alien rituals!

There was only one possibility to give this stranger a face – Jack! He looked at his watch, 22:02; a good time to visit his friend. Jack should be at home but hopefully not already in bed. Before he had time to think it through, or postpone it until the next morning, Daniel snatched his car-keys from the table and ran from his apartment.

\----------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later he banged at Jack's front door.

"Daniel, what...?"

"We have to talk!"

"Okay, have... a seat", Jack told his friend who already stormed down the steps to the living room. "Uh... Do you wanna have a drink first?" Jack offered.

"Yes. No." Daniel waved his hand dismissively; then he plunged in head first. "Jack, someone gave me a blow-job!"

"Happy you. Congratulations," Jack quipped.

"No, no. You don't understand. I'm not here to boast about my latest conquest. I ... I remember. One of the priests not only touched me but ... also gave me a blow-job!"

"Umm..."

"And now," Daniel showed a DVD in Jack's hand. "Here's the video. Tell me who it was. It's killing me not to know his face."

Jack took the DVD but didn't insert it in the player.

"Sit down, Daniel."

"But..."

"I'll ... explain. Okay?"

Daniel sat down on the sofa and looked expectantly at Jack who stood hesitantly before the low living room table.

"What exactly do you remember?" he asked finally.

"I already told you a hundred times!" Daniel shouted. Irritation crept into his voice as he repeated it for Jack once more like explaining something to a really dumb pupil. "The last thing I actively remember is changing into the ceremonial robes. Then there is nothing, although the video seems to be more familiar every time I watch it. It is as if I could feel the heat again, smell the flowering bushes and the dust in the Sanctuaries. You know what they say about smells giving the most lasting impressions."

"I recall that French guy you told me about with his biscuit soaked up with coffee or tea or whatever and – pling – his whole life passed before his eye on boring 1000 pages."

"Proust." Daniel chuckled, distracted for a second. Then he came back to his problem. "I know that it isn't associated with heat, so I think it must have happened in one of the buildings. Perhaps, a ... secret ceremony of some sort?"

"Odd ceremony," Jack stated flippantly.

"Didn't I give you any details?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"Well ..."

Daniel saw that Jack was really upset by now, absentmindedly kneading the DVD between his fingers, and he tried to reassure him. "It's ... I'm fine, Jack. Well, I won't say I don't feel a little bit shaken, but ... I don't feel raped, if that bothers you. Deep inside I know that I gave them... him... my permission to do that. I don't know why it was required, but ... you see... I mean it's no problem for me that all the priests were men. I mean... "

Daniel knew that he was explaining too much, too fast and was giving way too much personal information but Jack's silence and unhappy expression urged him on. He got up and with two steps he was directly in front of Jack. "What bothers me most is that I don't know his face. If you can help me..." He looked eagerly at Jack.

"Daniel, I'm sorry for all that happened. I..."

"No. No. Don't feel sorry. I... that may shock you, but I only remember... pleasure." Daniel had whispered the last word, looking directly into Jack's eyes, begging for understanding.

"I'm an idiot, Daniel." Jack shook his head.

"Oh..." Then, to lighten the mood, he added, "Nothing new to me, Jack." He gave Jack a little smile to take the sting from his words and to encourage him to proceed.

"Hear me out, with no interruption, will you?" Jack was all seriousness again.

Daniel nodded. "Okay." Finally he would know the truth.

Jack put the DVD on the table and with one hand he gripped Daniel's upper arm. "When you came back from that trip, very exhausted, very exhilarated and very sweaty it was only me left. Carter had been called to that power failure in the SGC and Teal'c was off discussing what ever with those guys. Before you could tell me anything, the priests gave you the drugged wine, waited for a few minutes and then they left us. I helped you to get out of the heavy robes and fetched you a wash-cloth because you were too tired to move. You lay boneless on the couch and I helped you clean up."

Jack shrugged. "That was the easy part."

"What...?"

"No interruption, remember?" Jack put a finger over Daniel's lips to prevent him from speaking. Daniel closed his mouth and Jack's finger stroked his lips tenderly for one second but that was enough to send a lighting bolt of remembrance through Daniel's body.

He looked up sharply, tried to find in Jack's eyes the answer to his suspicion, no, conviction that ... it had been Jack. But ...but ... that was impossible! Jack would never...!

Oh, no! He had been such a moron! He had never considered someone other than a priest! 

Now, in hindsight, everything told him that guilt had motivated Jack's strange behaviour. But he had twisted Jack's unwillingness to touch him until it fitted into his priest-theory! He really was a lousy anthropologist when private issues were concerned!

The moment Daniel looked up and inhaled sharply, Jack's whole attitude changed.

"You talked me into it!" he stated rather accusingly.

"WHAT?" Daniel stared at him incredulously.

"This whole washing and rubbing had left you with an impressive erection poking at me. You even grabbed my hand and pulled it over your dick. Beneath your underwear, of course! What's a guy supposed to do in a situation like that? I tried the noble thing, tried to step away, but then you began talking of no consequences. You know, how you are, when you set your mind to something? You persuaded me that it would be alright, an opportunity not to miss, no strings attached and so on. A lot of very convincing bullshit."

Daniel knew he should be pissed with Jack for so effortlessly blaming him, for making him the responsible one, for tormenting him for so long, for withholding the truth for days but hearing about the events in the Jack-version, made it hard for him not to laugh. Jack was so outraged that he had been once again talked into something against his better judgement and had been proven right; his tone was so accusatory that Daniel forgot all about being angry. And he felt so elated, so light-headed that something that had started as a nightmare turned out to be one of his hidden fantasies.

Jack continued in the same tone, "I asked you, what you would gain from an encounter you couldn't remember afterwards, and you answered the same thing you already told me when you coaxed me into letting you stray into the Valley. It was all about feelings, knowing, and during all that talking you were holding my hand and ... showing me your unmistaken interest."

"Like now?" Daniel asked and pulled Jack's hand down to his dick that was already half hard. He knew that this was really forcing things, but he was convinced that – if he let Jack ramble on – they would inevitably end up with the argument why it was impossible to want something like that, let alone repeat it.

"Yes. – NO!! Of course I mean no!" Jack corrected himself immediately and tried to pull his hand away.

But Daniel was prepared and held him in place. He said nothing, but he kept Jack's fingers firmly on his dick. He pushed them gently and let him feel his hardening length. He rubbed lightly against Jack's hand and kept Jack's hand a prisoner between the denim of his trousers and his own hand.

"No." Jack shook his head, tried to clear it from the luring call of temptation. But both men were aware that it was only an orderly retreat. He had already lost the battle on Athurakia. His refusal was only a mock battle, a last effort to prevent the unpreventable.

"I owe you nothing," he whispered as his other hand sneaked around Daniel's waist. "You were fully aware that it would be a unique experience. No consequences – your own words!"

"The conditions changed, Jack."

"No". The word was nearly inaudible as Jack let his forehead sink against Daniel's forehead. "Give me a good reason why we shouldn't do it, why we can't repeat it. After all you're the linguist here."

"I can't do that and you know it. Besides, it would undo nothing. That's the reason you avoided me the last days. You..."

Jack straightened and was back to his accusatory glare. "Of course I avoided you! Every time you swayed your delectable ass into my direction, every time you spoke to me, every time you were simply near me... I had to think of your... moaning. I was haunted by the knowledge of how your dick feels in my mouth, how you smell, how you taste, what sound you make when you come. What's there not to flee?"

For one moment Daniel wanted to tease Jack about Colonels never being afraid, but when he saw Jack's desperate face, he knew that this wouldn't be a good idea right now. And Jack's words touched him deeply. Without really knowing, Jack had shown him what power he held over him.

Therefore, he caressed Jack's cheek with his forefinger and said, "Now that I have a face, I need to know what really happened that gave me that wonderful feeling, drowned me in pleasure and delight and made me remember, even if I wasn't supposed to."

Jack tried to lean back, out of Daniel's reach. "Uh... I..." but with a firm grip around his neck Daniel stopped him.

"Do I have to impress you with my argumentative power first?" Daniel grinned, "Well, so be it. First – it isn't nice not to help a ... uh... needy team-mate. Second – I'm sure I'll figure it out on my own, but it will take longer and I'll have to ask you and ask you, disturb you in your office, call you in the middle of the night..."

"That doesn't sound too unpleasant," Jack interrupted him with a lopsided grin.

Daniel's eyes opened wide, "You'll... is that a 'yes´?" He pressed himself nearer to the other man, brought his mouth to Jack's ear and whispered, "You won't regret it. It's absolutely failsafe. Lots of consequences but only pleasant ones."

"What choice do I have anyway?" Jack asked with a twinkle in his eye. "If I don't say 'yes´, I'll meet the evil Dr. Jackson again. A really frightening guy, take my word for it! He has means and ways to push around harmless Colonels you can't imagine!"

Jack's breath tickled on Daniel's neck with every word and Daniel laughed silently. He felt warmth spread in his belly and he whispered, "Take him to bed and you'll see that there is a whole other side to him: Gentle, affectionate and ready to cuddle. His only aim is to please his Colonel." To bring his point home, Daniel licked Jack's neck and kissed the place he had licked. He felt the shudder in Jack's body.

"And you're really sure?" Jack wanted to know. But his hands kneading Daniel's butt, his lips breathing kisses against Daniel's chin, and last but not least the hardening length he was pressing into Daniels groin made it clear that it was only a rhetorical question. Only a fool wouldn't say yes.

Yet, Daniel was no fool and he had a much better answer for Jack. "Fuck me and you'll see."

Jack, who wasn't used to hear such rude words coming out of the mouth of his normally so good-mannered archaeologist, hissed, spluttered indignantly, "DANIEL!!" and finally moaned out loudly.

Daniel was very satisfied with this result and pulled a slightly stunned, flabbergasted and therefore unresisting Colonel after him to the bedroom ....

 

\------------THE END------------

 

Antares, 2007


End file.
